Happy Thanksgiving- weight loss surgery style

Thanksgiving used to be very different for me- I have honestly never been a fan of Thanksgiving dinner... I am not a huge fan of turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes or cranberries. What I do love about Thanksgiving is the dessert (but NOT pumpkin pie), rolls, mashed potatoes and appetizers. It's always been the main focus for me... what will we have on hand for dessert and what will we eat before our actual meal? But this year was different... my main focus was the actual meal. I've learned to really like turkey... and all the wonderful veggie casserole dishes that come with the meal. Today I also made a salad which was so good. I was able to put a little stuffing and mashed potatoes on my plate- and they were both excellent... but for the first time ever my plate had more good stuff on it than bad stuff. And after dinner I had a reduced sugar brownie and a very small taste of Cate's mince meat pie... both small portions than the kids got.

So I know I say I have horrible eating habits, but maybe I don't give myself enough credit. I know I could be doing so much better than I am, but I need to recognize that I am doing remarkably well... considering one year ago I would have eaten 3 times as much (if not more) than I ate today. I also would have loaded up on regular soda the entire day too.

So I hope you've all had a healthy and happy Thanksgiving day... this was my first ever healthy Thanksgiving and it wasn't any less special than the years passed- which means food is no longer the center of my life like it used to be.


No more scale for me...

I'm finding myself way too upset about the rising numbers... so I'm done with the scale. I'm going to ask that my nurses and doctor not share with my my rising numbers as well. It just upsets me and I start to panic about whether or not I'm normal or whether or not I'm a complete failure in regards to my surgery. It's not worth it.

I started this pregnancy at 186... I got down to 174.6... today I was 185.6- which sent shock waves through my system. So I've gained 11 pounds in like 2 months???!!! Seriously? I've still got 4 months to go, and they say you gain the most at the end!!!

It's so insane to me because I was SO much heavier during my first pregnancy and I didn't care at all about weight gain... I don't even know how much I gained- it was a lot and way too much, but I didn't care.

I wish I had more to report... or more positives to report- but this is the hard part for me. I also know I need to start working on my eating habits. Maybe I wouldn't be gaining as much if I ate healthier. I just feel so stupid for letting myself get into some of these bad habits- but many of them were started because I was so nauseous and needed to eat anything my stomach could handle. Now I don't have that kind of excuse- now I'm just eating it because it's hard to give it up. Food is like crack- it's an addiction. And these addictions never fully go away- it's why recovering alcoholics can't have "just one drink"- because it's never just one... recovering food addicts should never do what I have done and start in on just one or two bad habits again (carbs and diet soda for instance)- granted, many of these bad habits are hardly at the level they used to be... they're quite manageable- but who's to say they'll stay that way? I mean, I got fat for a reason- my inability to control myself.

I think I need a therapist...


General updates... nothing too exciting

I don't have much to report... pregnancy is going well- I'm still concerned about how much I'm gaining, but I know I shouldn't be. And I guess my biggest concern is that I find myself having lack of self control when it comes to food and my cravings... which is exactly what I used to do pre-surgery. Once I had the surgery I was in such a good routine of healthy eating- and now it's like that was all thrown out the window. I don't eat horribly now, but it's certainly no good and it will need to change when the baby is born- if not sooner. I just fear that I will become one of those people you read about- you know, the ones who lose a lot of weight from the surgery and gain it all back because they were dumb?! It's enough to cause a mini-panic attack... but not enough to make me say no to the bowl of cereal in the middle of the night :(

The other day someone (who is pregnant and due a week BEFORE me) said to me, "Wow! You're showing a lot more than me!" Um, great... thanks! I wanted to run away and throw myself into my bowl of cereal. I'm really not doing too well with the weight gain to be honest- I hate seeing that scale go up- and I really hate people noticing my growing belly. I personally love my growing belly... I just wish no one else would notice it.

Enough complaining... Unnamed baby boy is doing great- he's kicking up a storm. Most days he just tumbles around in my tummy, stopping occasionally to get the hiccups and go to sleep. Today he enjoyed pouncing on my bladder and pelvis... what a strange feeling. He also lets me know when I'm sleeping in an uncomfortable position... He's quite the character already and it makes me laugh (most of the time).