Long time no updates...

So the weight is still coming off slowly, but I am happy with the fact that my body fat percentage is going down faster than my weight seems to be. For the first time in my life I feel muscles in my arms and my legs... it's kind of amazing. I came to this epiphany a while ago that I'm really ok not losing really fast anymore. Why? Because I finally know and completely understand that this is not a race. I've said it before, but this time I know what it means. I've hit so many milestones lately that I hardly have time to realize that I'm not losing much.

First of all, it's been a long time goal of mine to run a 10 minute mile. As of yesterday I can run .96 miles in 10 minutes- I'm so close!!! But even cooler than that is that I am able to run for that entire 10 minutes. I have *never* in my life been able to do that. I'm so proud of myself- I try to be modest about it, but I could scream it from the roof tops that this fat girl is finally getting in shape.

My workouts with Sarah are getting a lot harder... which I have always taken as a compliment- she believes I can work harder than I am. I no longer look like such an idiot on the weights floor. Yesterday I was doing a bicep curl with 12 lb weights... and the guy next to me was using 32.5 pound weights. I had to laugh... here I am proud of my little 12 lb weights and this guy next to me more than doubles it, LOL. I've got a long way to go, but considering I started with 3 lb weights, I'm happy with where I am. I feel like every time I come home from working out with Sarah I tell Damien about a new and near impossible set she's made me do... he amuses me and tells me how amazed he is and how great I look :)

I still miss eating. Sure, I am able to eat most anything I want now... but what I miss is the emotional eating- you know, the kind of eating you're not supposed to do. Just the other day I was stressed at work and all I could think about was a coke and a candy bar... and then I just started thinking about how 7-8 months ago I would not have thought twice about going and eating just that. How disgusting. I can now look back on my old eating habits with such disgust- which is a good thing. But it doesn't mean I don't miss it from time to time. I still miss soda more than I miss anything else. Soda is such a powerful addiction and I'm happy to have given it up, but man, it's rough. The other day on the airplane I was near tears because all I wanted was a coke or ginger ale to help my nausea... but instead I ordered a cup of ice and prayed that flight would go quickly.

Anyways, overall I'm doing great... I feel great. I'm really proud of myself. It's been a long time since I've been so proud of myself. I love the person I have become over the past few months and I love being healthier.

Things seem so much more obtainable now...

When I first started I looked at the amount of weight I had to lose and thought how impossible that seemed. 122 lbs is a LOT of weight. Duh. How in the world was I going to lose that? That's when I began looking into gastric bypass surgery... I knew that the best way to get to my goal was this surgery- especially after I did my research.

Here I am, 3 months out, and I need to lose 70 more lbs. SO much more obtainable, IMO. It's amazing because had I "just" needed to lose 70 lbs in the first place, I wouldn't have had surgery. I would have had a long road ahead of me, because 70 lbs is a lot, but it doesn't sound impossible. I know to a lot of people this seems like so much weight, but to someone who has been so heavy for so long, 70 more lbs seems heavenly to me.

I am now on month 4 and I feel great. Frustrating days are few and far between. My body can handle almost any healthy food I try- which is great because some people have a hard time with certain foods. I've been so lucky with how well my body has adjusted to all of this. Because I am such a picky eater I do have a hard time with my no carb lifestyle- but it's so much easier than it was a month ago.

As I said a month ago, I still really miss soda. I have no clue why this is the one thing that has been really hard... I am still really craving a coke and I'm hoping this craving goes away soon because it's driving me a bit batty.

Oh, and it's Girl Scout Cookie time... oh my gosh this has been HUGE for me resisting the temptation to buy a box at the grocery store. First of all, it's hard enough to say no to the cookies, but secondly, it's really hard to say no to these adorable little girls. This Sunday I almost bought a box because I felt so guilty saying no. But I can't buy a box because I know myself and I know I would eat the cookies- because the cookies are so small my body could handle one at a time. But I know myself too well- I wouldn't just eat one a day. I would eat one every couple of hours! LOL. So no cookies in this house.

Another exciting development... When I first started exercising I was determined to get better at running. I started off running a 20 minute mile and am now down to a 12:45 minute mile!!! I know it's still a slow mile but I'm so excited that I've progressed so much. I've also been working with a personal trainer who has increasingly made my workouts a lot harder- which is great because by doing this she trusts my body can now handle it. As much as the harder workouts drive me crazy, I am so proud of myself for even having someone trust that I can do them- and that motivates me more than anything. I no longer feel like the fattest person at the gym and I am so much more confident... which is SO nice.

Anyways, I feel really fortunate to have made it this far with no complications (::knocks on wood::). I am also very happy with how healthy Damien and I have become through this process. We look at food very differently now than we ever have- and hopefully because of this we can teach Deacon healthy eating habits as well.

Damien

I have to just say how amazingly supportive Damien has been throughout this process... seriously, I am amazed. When I began this journey I told him that I could not do it without him doing it with me. I didn't need for him to have the surgery, but I needed for him to eliminate all the bad food choices and stop eating out. Without giving it a second thought, he agreed. From day one he has been the most supportive and loving husband... there has never been a time that he's complained about eating the food I've cooked (during my liquid diet phase he ate soup with me many times for dinner) and he's always SO respectful about what he eats around me.

I could not have done this without him. Period.

And not only has he been 100% supportive, he's also getting healthier in the process... I'm very proud to say that he's already lost 16 lbs!!! Yay for him :)