Long time no updates...

So the weight is still coming off slowly, but I am happy with the fact that my body fat percentage is going down faster than my weight seems to be. For the first time in my life I feel muscles in my arms and my legs... it's kind of amazing. I came to this epiphany a while ago that I'm really ok not losing really fast anymore. Why? Because I finally know and completely understand that this is not a race. I've said it before, but this time I know what it means. I've hit so many milestones lately that I hardly have time to realize that I'm not losing much.

First of all, it's been a long time goal of mine to run a 10 minute mile. As of yesterday I can run .96 miles in 10 minutes- I'm so close!!! But even cooler than that is that I am able to run for that entire 10 minutes. I have *never* in my life been able to do that. I'm so proud of myself- I try to be modest about it, but I could scream it from the roof tops that this fat girl is finally getting in shape.

My workouts with Sarah are getting a lot harder... which I have always taken as a compliment- she believes I can work harder than I am. I no longer look like such an idiot on the weights floor. Yesterday I was doing a bicep curl with 12 lb weights... and the guy next to me was using 32.5 pound weights. I had to laugh... here I am proud of my little 12 lb weights and this guy next to me more than doubles it, LOL. I've got a long way to go, but considering I started with 3 lb weights, I'm happy with where I am. I feel like every time I come home from working out with Sarah I tell Damien about a new and near impossible set she's made me do... he amuses me and tells me how amazed he is and how great I look :)

I still miss eating. Sure, I am able to eat most anything I want now... but what I miss is the emotional eating- you know, the kind of eating you're not supposed to do. Just the other day I was stressed at work and all I could think about was a coke and a candy bar... and then I just started thinking about how 7-8 months ago I would not have thought twice about going and eating just that. How disgusting. I can now look back on my old eating habits with such disgust- which is a good thing. But it doesn't mean I don't miss it from time to time. I still miss soda more than I miss anything else. Soda is such a powerful addiction and I'm happy to have given it up, but man, it's rough. The other day on the airplane I was near tears because all I wanted was a coke or ginger ale to help my nausea... but instead I ordered a cup of ice and prayed that flight would go quickly.

Anyways, overall I'm doing great... I feel great. I'm really proud of myself. It's been a long time since I've been so proud of myself. I love the person I have become over the past few months and I love being healthier.

Things seem so much more obtainable now...

When I first started I looked at the amount of weight I had to lose and thought how impossible that seemed. 122 lbs is a LOT of weight. Duh. How in the world was I going to lose that? That's when I began looking into gastric bypass surgery... I knew that the best way to get to my goal was this surgery- especially after I did my research.

Here I am, 3 months out, and I need to lose 70 more lbs. SO much more obtainable, IMO. It's amazing because had I "just" needed to lose 70 lbs in the first place, I wouldn't have had surgery. I would have had a long road ahead of me, because 70 lbs is a lot, but it doesn't sound impossible. I know to a lot of people this seems like so much weight, but to someone who has been so heavy for so long, 70 more lbs seems heavenly to me.

I am now on month 4 and I feel great. Frustrating days are few and far between. My body can handle almost any healthy food I try- which is great because some people have a hard time with certain foods. I've been so lucky with how well my body has adjusted to all of this. Because I am such a picky eater I do have a hard time with my no carb lifestyle- but it's so much easier than it was a month ago.

As I said a month ago, I still really miss soda. I have no clue why this is the one thing that has been really hard... I am still really craving a coke and I'm hoping this craving goes away soon because it's driving me a bit batty.

Oh, and it's Girl Scout Cookie time... oh my gosh this has been HUGE for me resisting the temptation to buy a box at the grocery store. First of all, it's hard enough to say no to the cookies, but secondly, it's really hard to say no to these adorable little girls. This Sunday I almost bought a box because I felt so guilty saying no. But I can't buy a box because I know myself and I know I would eat the cookies- because the cookies are so small my body could handle one at a time. But I know myself too well- I wouldn't just eat one a day. I would eat one every couple of hours! LOL. So no cookies in this house.

Another exciting development... When I first started exercising I was determined to get better at running. I started off running a 20 minute mile and am now down to a 12:45 minute mile!!! I know it's still a slow mile but I'm so excited that I've progressed so much. I've also been working with a personal trainer who has increasingly made my workouts a lot harder- which is great because by doing this she trusts my body can now handle it. As much as the harder workouts drive me crazy, I am so proud of myself for even having someone trust that I can do them- and that motivates me more than anything. I no longer feel like the fattest person at the gym and I am so much more confident... which is SO nice.

Anyways, I feel really fortunate to have made it this far with no complications (::knocks on wood::). I am also very happy with how healthy Damien and I have become through this process. We look at food very differently now than we ever have- and hopefully because of this we can teach Deacon healthy eating habits as well.

Today was a good day

First I need to say that what I'm about to write is actually really hard for me. This entire time I've told you all how much I've lost and I've shown you a picture of my "before."- but I've never posted my weight or what size clothes I wear. It's something I'm actually really embarrassed about- but no matter how hard I try, it is impossible to tell the story I want to tell without detailing my size. So here goes...

A week ago I ordered a skirt on oldnavy.com in a size 20... I got it yesterday and it was really way too big on me. Not just "kind of" too big- way too big. I was SO excited because this meant that I was in a size 20 pant size- I've always been one size smaller with skirts than pants. So I went to the actual store today to exchange it for a size 18. While I was in the store I got a size 18 skirt and a ton of pants in a size 20. I was like a kid in a candy store- I haven't shopped in a non-plus sized store in YEARS. I got to the dressing room and I started my typical dressing room prayer, "God, please let something fit... please." So I tried on the skirts- perfect fit! Hooray! Next I tried on a size 20 jeans... they didn't fit.

THEY WERE TOO BIG!!! TOO FLIPPING BIG!!!

So not only am I able to shop at Old Navy, I'm able to buy one size smaller than their biggest size. For all you heavy people, you KNOW this is a big deal. It's always exciting to know you're not the heaviest size they accommodate.

It was a GREAT feeling. I cried in the dressing room. Sat down and cried. I wanted to call someone in the dressing room, but decided that would be really weird for anyone who could hear my phone call. So I had a moment to myself... and went back into the store and got tons more clothes.

Thankfully I'm in a huge frugal mode right now- I left the store with a very modest amount of new (and VERY needed) clothes.

(and trust me, I'm very much in need of new clothes)

Today was a good day. (cue the Ice Cube music)

About to hit my first goal...

My first goal was 40 lbs in 2 months. Sunday will be exactly two months and I am SO close to hitting that 40 mark. I've got two more days of going to the gym so I'm thinking that should get me there... let's hope!

My next goal is WAY too lofty and I don't plan to make it... but I wanted to have lost 50 lbs by my 2 month check up which is Feb.12. I'm not too sure I can do that- but it's worth a try.

I'm feeling great and doing great. I occasionally make a bad food choice and get myself a bit too sick- it's not like candy or sweets or anything like that, it's just that I've eaten too much or I've eaten too fast. Thankfully I've never gotten really sick (::knocks on wood::).

If I'm feeling up to it, I might post some before and during pictures sometime this week... they're embarrassing but amazing to see. Even the picture I took 2 weeks after surgery looks significantly different. We'll see. I might wait until I've lost 50 to post my first official pictures.

Unfortunately I'm sick with some type of throat illness (I've got no voice and my throat hurts) so I'm going to go back and lay down...

Joe's Crab Shack

Last night my family and I went to Joe's Crab Shack. It was heavenly. I ordered so much food because I couldn't decide what I wanted to eat... I am so thankful my parents and husband are so supportive and let me spend $17 on a meal that I only took a few bites of!!! I ordered chicken tortilla soup and blackened tillapia. Damien ordered King Crab. I ate a few bites of my meal and some of Damien's- it was delicious.

More than anything it was so nice to feel like I was eating a normal meal... the other day when we went out to eat I just ordered soup and it didn't feel like I was really eating out. But when I got to order a full meal I just felt so normal!!! It was really nice.

I guess one good thing about ordering so much is that I have so much left to eat the next few days :)

Oh hindsight...

In hindsight...
- I should not have worried about the IV... even though I did have a few traumatic events surrounding the IV, it was rather unnoticeable MOST of the time.
- I should not have worried about the drain... sure, it was kinda gross, but I was way too drugged to care.
- I should have worried more about the catheter... that was awful.
- I should have never worried about gas pains... I had NONE. Who would have guessed?
- I should have worried more about protein... the shit is AWFUL. The only one I like is the Slim Fast, which doesn't have enough protein in a small amount. The stuff that I should be drinking makes me gag. Lovely.
- I should have gone on a low carb diet MONTHS ago, and then eliminated carbs completely a week or two before my surgery. Had I done this, my cravings would be a lot less. Thankfully they're going away.

Anyways, that's hindsight for ya! I'm doing really well and am SO excited about the next stage of my diet. I've been online looking up recipes that are good for the pureed stage of my diet and there are a TON. I thought I was going to be living off of scrambled eggs, string cheese and cottage cheese for the next few weeks. I was SO wrong. I am the most excited about chili and this cream of cauliflower soup I found. YUM. Sure, I can only have a few tablespoons, but when you've been only eating liquids for a week or so, you take what you can get!

Oh, and seriously, this protein SUCKS. I gag just thinking about it. Everything is SO thick and sweet- and not the good kind of sweet, gross sweet. My current method of consuming it, is fondly called the "hold your nose and chug" method.

My support group last night was really nice... it's run by the nurse practitioner/dietitian. It was a nice chance to get out, and I'm excited to do it once a month.

Go figure...

I have felt like crap all day... so tonight I lay down when Deacon went to bed. Go figure- I felt better within 10 minutes of laying down. Then I realize I hadn't really rested all day. Sure, I took a nap in the middle of the day, but I should be laying down a lot more- not just sitting up.

Who would have thought a Slim Fast shake and laying down for an hour to watch Survivor would revitalize my spirit and make me feel a million times better.

Oh.My.God.

I'm in heaven. I've had a hard day with food... it's all mental. I'm certainly not really hungry... in fact, I'm pretty full from all the liquids. My good friend told me about the Slim Fast Low Carb shakes- 20 grams of protein, 1 gram of sugar... but I never went out and got them. I thought I would be fine without it- thought I would be fine just drinking water, jello, broth, etc... Well, needless to say, tonight, I sent Damien out to get me these shakes. I told him to go to every store in the Sacramento area until he found them. They weren't at the grocery store we normally go to, so I knew he would have to kind of search for them.

30 minutes after I sent him out, he came back home- SUCCESS!!! Unfortunately they weren't cold, so Damien put one in the freezer. Finally, a half hour later I got to try one. OH.MY.GOD. It was the best thing I have EVER tasted. Seriously amazing.

This is a REALLY good shake that has a ton of protein and very little sugar... if you're looking for a good protein drink, this is for you. The "high protein" version of slim fast doesn't have as much protein as the "low carb"- so watch out for that.

Maybe you won't want to take my advice since I am rather desperate for normal food... but for what it's worth, even Damien thought they were good.