2 months...

I cannot believe it's been over two months. Seriously it amazes me. Life has gotten so much easier over the past month- and I feel somewhat normal most of the time.

Yesterday Oprah did a show on teens and weight loss surgery. Oprah is clearly against having surgery of any kind to treat obesity- and that frustrates me to no end. In every single show she does about WLS (weight loss surgery) she talks about all the negatives- and doesn't focus on the positives. Now, I am all for telling people like it is- I have no problems telling people what sucks about this surgery, what I don't like about this surgery, etc... However, I feel that is important that we include the whole picture in our story telling. Not all WLS patients suffer from addiction transfer (transferring food addiction to another addiction- like alcohol). Oprah also seems to think that all WLS patients forgo a psychological evaluation and ignore any and all psychological issues that caused them to get fat in the first place- but she seems to always ignore this with people who lose weight "on their own" (as if they miraculously are healed of all psychological issues because they did not have surgery). And that's another grievance... the implication that those who have WLS are not doing it "on their own," or are taking the "easy way out." Nothing bothers me more than those two statements... as if this surgery is doing all the work for me. As if I get up in the morning and my food choices are miraculously made for me because I have had this surgery. Last I checked this surgery didn't come with a live-in cook and nutritionist- or maybe my insurance just sucks.

Anyways, I could go on and on about Oprah and her misinformed views on WLS... but I won't.

So back to me...

On Oprah her cameras followed around a boy (17 years old) having WLS- and the cameras were there on him when he woke up from recovery. For some reason that picture of him laying there really touched me. I was instantly taken back to the first moments I remember after waking up in the hospital. I thought to myself, "oh my gosh, I really did it..." And then I thanked God for letting me live... and then I thought again, "oh my gosh, I really did it." I never, in a million years, thought I would follow through with it. The entire time I was preparing for the surgery I kept telling myself that it wasn't too late to back out- even the morning of my surgery I was thinking about saying, "No thanks." I woke up from that surgery terrified... I had really done it. I woke up really sick and I'm sure that didn't help my feelings of panic. The nurse had to constantly remind me to breath and I hurt... but I was just so thankful to be alive. All I remember was how nauseas and tired I was... so nauseas.

The first week was the hardest- I went through a huge carb withdraw. I was miserable. I should have detoxed myself from carbs well before this surgery. I remember the first week I would just be so upset when my mom, Damien and Deacon would eat around me... I was so "hungry"- at least I thought I was. Thankfully that first month flew by and things got easier day by day.

This second month has been all about perfecting my routine... learning when I should drink my protein, knowing how much protein I need to feel my best, what foods my body likes best, etc... I am no longer as obsessed with what I can't have anymore. I sure do miss certain foods/drinks, but honestly it doesn't overcome me like it did the first month. I'm at a point now where I know that in due time I can have a taste of whatever I want... and I'm also at a point where I realize that there is much more to life than food.

Joe's Crab Shack

Last night my family and I went to Joe's Crab Shack. It was heavenly. I ordered so much food because I couldn't decide what I wanted to eat... I am so thankful my parents and husband are so supportive and let me spend $17 on a meal that I only took a few bites of!!! I ordered chicken tortilla soup and blackened tillapia. Damien ordered King Crab. I ate a few bites of my meal and some of Damien's- it was delicious.

More than anything it was so nice to feel like I was eating a normal meal... the other day when we went out to eat I just ordered soup and it didn't feel like I was really eating out. But when I got to order a full meal I just felt so normal!!! It was really nice.

I guess one good thing about ordering so much is that I have so much left to eat the next few days :)

A stall...

I know it's normal... I've read about it and heard about it since I started this journey. In fact, I thought to myself, "I won't mind stalling out... I know it's normal." Well, I was wrong. It's pissing me off. That first week was amazing loosing so much weight so fast, and even the second week was good... but I've stayed at the same weight now for DAYS. I know, I know, I shouldn't care- because my body is in a state of shock and I *know* this is normal.

But, I'm at this point where I'm sitting here thinking, "was it worth it for THIS?" I can hardly eat anything and I'm so bored with my food choices- it just seems like things would have been easier losing weight on a diet.

Anyways, I know it was worth it... I'm just being emotional. It's Christmas and I've not eaten a single Christmas cookie. Sometimes I wonder if I should have just waited until January- because it's been hard this month. Everyone enjoying nice big dinners and desserts. Yum. But then I think- I'll be so close to being able to eat normal again starting in January. So that gives me something to look forward to.

It's funny because a few weeks ago I thought, "I will NOT complain once I get eat something." LOL. Yeah, that was before I spent days eating only tuna, scrambled eggs and some other random stuff. I'm trying to get creative... but you can only go so far.

Anyways, life IS good. I am so blessed to have done so well with the surgery. I am a healthy person who is on a journey to get even more healthy. I am learning that life does NOT revolve around food- and I'm teaching my family the same in the process. I'm so proud of them- my mom and my husband have both been eating so healthy since my surgery. And honestly- that's the goal of this surgery- not getting skinny, getting healthy.

So I can put up with pureed foods for a little bit longer. Less than 2 weeks to go.