Long time no updates...

So the weight is still coming off slowly, but I am happy with the fact that my body fat percentage is going down faster than my weight seems to be. For the first time in my life I feel muscles in my arms and my legs... it's kind of amazing. I came to this epiphany a while ago that I'm really ok not losing really fast anymore. Why? Because I finally know and completely understand that this is not a race. I've said it before, but this time I know what it means. I've hit so many milestones lately that I hardly have time to realize that I'm not losing much.

First of all, it's been a long time goal of mine to run a 10 minute mile. As of yesterday I can run .96 miles in 10 minutes- I'm so close!!! But even cooler than that is that I am able to run for that entire 10 minutes. I have *never* in my life been able to do that. I'm so proud of myself- I try to be modest about it, but I could scream it from the roof tops that this fat girl is finally getting in shape.

My workouts with Sarah are getting a lot harder... which I have always taken as a compliment- she believes I can work harder than I am. I no longer look like such an idiot on the weights floor. Yesterday I was doing a bicep curl with 12 lb weights... and the guy next to me was using 32.5 pound weights. I had to laugh... here I am proud of my little 12 lb weights and this guy next to me more than doubles it, LOL. I've got a long way to go, but considering I started with 3 lb weights, I'm happy with where I am. I feel like every time I come home from working out with Sarah I tell Damien about a new and near impossible set she's made me do... he amuses me and tells me how amazed he is and how great I look :)

I still miss eating. Sure, I am able to eat most anything I want now... but what I miss is the emotional eating- you know, the kind of eating you're not supposed to do. Just the other day I was stressed at work and all I could think about was a coke and a candy bar... and then I just started thinking about how 7-8 months ago I would not have thought twice about going and eating just that. How disgusting. I can now look back on my old eating habits with such disgust- which is a good thing. But it doesn't mean I don't miss it from time to time. I still miss soda more than I miss anything else. Soda is such a powerful addiction and I'm happy to have given it up, but man, it's rough. The other day on the airplane I was near tears because all I wanted was a coke or ginger ale to help my nausea... but instead I ordered a cup of ice and prayed that flight would go quickly.

Anyways, overall I'm doing great... I feel great. I'm really proud of myself. It's been a long time since I've been so proud of myself. I love the person I have become over the past few months and I love being healthier.

Some updates

Wow, I haven't been on here in forever.

Things with me are going really well. I'm finally getting to the point where I feel normal again. The routine is setting in and I don't feel as sorry for myself so much anymore. For the first few weeks I was constantly thinking about food and how I felt so deprived. I dreaded the start of each weekend because I craved my old life... eating out as a form of entertainment.

My new life is hard at times... I have to plan every single meal. I don't eat many convenience foods because convenience foods tend to be full of carbs or sugar. I used to do pancakes or waffles in the morning on the weekends, but not anymore- now I need to give it some more thought. More thought has to go into everything I choose to eat. At first this was much harder than it is now. It's starting to become quite routine. I know what my body needs.

One thing that is still hard for me is soda... I don't miss it as much as I did a few weeks ago, but I really do miss it. I love soda- especially Coke and Dr. Pepper. I was in the grocery store today and as I was checking out I was just staring at the soda that I didn't even realize that the lady at the check stand was talking to me. Pathetic, yes. LOL.

I am constantly amazed by my life life... I feel great and I've got a ton more self confidence. I don't think I have more self-confidence because I'm thinner, but because I'm finally taking charge and getting healthy. I'm making the decision to get healthy and I'm actually doing a great job. It's such a confidence booster to do something so good for yourself.

Something frustrating

I think one of the most frustrating things that's going on right now is how slowly the weight is coming off. I know, I know, I've lost over 30 lbs in less than 2 months- I've never been able to do that. But it's getting to the point where I'm a bit frustrated that it's not coming off a little faster right now. I'm not expecting the moon and stars... but I'm expecting some amazing results- and so far, the amazing results came in the first two weeks and that's it.

I just had these goals I wanted to hit by the 3 month mark and right now I'm pretty far away from obtaining them. I really don't want to be at the 2 month mark and have only lost 30 lbs... that mean 15 pounds a month, which honestly doesn't seem like a lot, considering what I've done to my body! I mean, seriously, do you all realize what I'm eating here? One would think the weight would literally be falling off my body.

I am really proud of myself, but I feel like I've been staring at the same weight range for weeks... So here's the deal- this week I am going to exercise 4 times this week: Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I am going to continue consuming around 100 grams of protein a day. I want to see that scale go down a lot next week and I'm determined.

I'm getting boring...

I know I don't post as much as I used to... I'm not even sure who reads this anymore anyways, so most of the time I assume I've updated everyone as to how I'm doing. But then I remember that I have a bunch of online friends and friends who I don't talk to as much that do read this, so I then I feel bad and get back on here :)

I am still struggling with the absence of carbs and sweets from my diet. It's not a big of a deal as it used to be, but I long for the day that I can eat "normal" again- but then I smack myself back into reality... this IS the new normal for me. No more meals consisting entirely of carbs, no more pints of Ben and Jerry's, no more making a cake just for the fun of it. That was the old way of life... and it was so unhealthy- and it was the exact reason why I had this surgery in the first place. Yes, I can eat some carbs and indulge every now and then if I wanted to- but I need to be so careful. I know myself... and allowing myself to eat a little pasta is like opening the flood gates- same goes with dessert type foods. One little piece of cake turns into eating half the cake in one sitting. I love cake (what fat girl doesn't love cake?).

I remember the first week after my surgery... I was so upset about not being able to eat a freaking cracker. Oh my gosh I was devastated. I'm not that bad anymore. I have had a few crackers, but because they really settle my upset stomach. But my body really has adjusted to the no carb lifestyle... the detox was rough, but worth it.

I go back to work tomorrow... I'm a bit nervous- I've really enjoyed being home for the past month. But it's time to get life back to normal... and life certainly isn't normal when I'm at home napping (even though that does sound fabulous). I know that I need to stay focussed on my goals when I'm at work and work hard at making sure I have enough healthy snacks. I've got my protein drinks packed and my lunch made. I'm set for tomorrow at least.

My weight loss stall has ended, but the scale is moving much slower than it did the first week or so! I guess that's pretty normal though ;-) Not like I should be losing 15 a week- would be nice though, LOL.

I'm off to bed... I need a good nights sleep... I haven't woken up so early and had to be functional at the same time in over a month!!! Yikes!

Random update

I need to add exercise to my routine... stat. I'm still in somewhat of a stand still and I'm sick of it. So I'm thinking if I add exercise to my daily routine, it will help. So far I've just been doing walking- but I'm pretty sure I can handle more than that.

I'm still getting tired easily- but I'm thinking exercise might help with that too. I'm doing really well with foods and I'm starting to find out what my new tummy can and cannot handle. It's actually amazing to me how little I eat before I am stuffed- and it amazes me that my brain still has not caught on to this. Every single time I prepare a meal I make more than my allotted 4 Tablespoons... and every single time I can only stomach about 3 Tablespoons (sometimes 4). My current favorite is mashed potatoes mixed with cottage cheese (this was also a favorite pre-surgery).

I'm also starting to enjoy my protein drinks a bit more... this does not mean I *like* them, it just means I can handle them a lot better. Thank God!!! My favorite brand makes two different flavors- grape and orange (well, they also make fruit punch, but I hate fruit punch). What's really interesting to me is that my stomach can only handle the grape flavor. Every time I try the orange I get really sick! Weird.

I have my good and bad days. Our anniversary was a few days ago and I was miserable. We're trying to save money so we just went to a movie... but I so badly wanted to go to dinner and a movie. And when we got to the movie I was just depressed that I couldn't eat any popcorn. There are very few things to do in Sacramento on a Thursday night that don't cost money and don't involve food. I now feel bad that I was so grumpy- but I guess I feel that it was justified... this is all so new to me and adjusting to this type of new lifestyle during celebratory times (i.e. Christmas, anniversaries, etc...) is 10 times harder.

Anyways, overall, things are good. I go back to work in a week- I'll certainly miss all the naps and sleeping in!!!

A stall...

I know it's normal... I've read about it and heard about it since I started this journey. In fact, I thought to myself, "I won't mind stalling out... I know it's normal." Well, I was wrong. It's pissing me off. That first week was amazing loosing so much weight so fast, and even the second week was good... but I've stayed at the same weight now for DAYS. I know, I know, I shouldn't care- because my body is in a state of shock and I *know* this is normal.

But, I'm at this point where I'm sitting here thinking, "was it worth it for THIS?" I can hardly eat anything and I'm so bored with my food choices- it just seems like things would have been easier losing weight on a diet.

Anyways, I know it was worth it... I'm just being emotional. It's Christmas and I've not eaten a single Christmas cookie. Sometimes I wonder if I should have just waited until January- because it's been hard this month. Everyone enjoying nice big dinners and desserts. Yum. But then I think- I'll be so close to being able to eat normal again starting in January. So that gives me something to look forward to.

It's funny because a few weeks ago I thought, "I will NOT complain once I get eat something." LOL. Yeah, that was before I spent days eating only tuna, scrambled eggs and some other random stuff. I'm trying to get creative... but you can only go so far.

Anyways, life IS good. I am so blessed to have done so well with the surgery. I am a healthy person who is on a journey to get even more healthy. I am learning that life does NOT revolve around food- and I'm teaching my family the same in the process. I'm so proud of them- my mom and my husband have both been eating so healthy since my surgery. And honestly- that's the goal of this surgery- not getting skinny, getting healthy.

So I can put up with pureed foods for a little bit longer. Less than 2 weeks to go.

Life with pureed foods...

... is not that bad. However, I will say it's gotten old real quick. There are not too many foods that are good pureed. Plus, I will NOT puree meat. Period. I am not eating baby food meat either. My big problem is that pre-surgery my diet largely consisted of carbs- and I keep having the temptation to puree some spaghetti... which would be an awful choice. Anyways- I just need to really start getting creative because my food is really restrictive for another 2 1/2 weeks. Honestly though, it's not been too bad- I really like eggs, cottage cheese, and tuna salad... but I can tell these things will get old fast. Things I don't like as much, but need to add to the repertoire- peanut butter and oatmeal. I can also do mashed potatoes- but should do them sparingly based on the fact that it's a carb.

I'm almost 2 weeks out and feel great. The healing has been pretty easy, but I do get tired easily. I'm moving on to the next stage soon which is adding exercise. Right now I can get up and walk a bit, but I haven't been pushing myself. I figured 2 weeks out is a good time to start pushing- obviously not going crazy.

Well I'm going back to bed. The idiot neighbors who woke me up (and kept me up long enough to inspire me to do a blog entry) seem to have quieted down a bit. I need to start doing these blogs during the day when I'm a bit more coherent.

It's all public...

I made the decision tonight to make my blog public... and not private anymore.

I'm doing this so more friends can read the blog without needing to get my official permission and also so people don't have to sign in to read.

I don't know why this makes me kind of nervous, but it does. I guess because this isn't just another fun loving blog like my photoblog...

Anyways, we'll see how it goes.

Doing well

I've had a pretty good weekend... I'm amazed at how well I've felt since the surgery. Sure, I'm craving carbs pretty bad, but other than that, I feel great. I was expecting to be bed ridden, and I'm really not. I think I've overdone it, however, because today I've been feeling less than stellar- dizzy, exhausted, etc... I blame this on Deacon being home this weekend. When he's home I want to play with him- and he doesn't really think it's fun to play while laying down in bed. Go figure.

I have my first support group meeting (hosted by my surgeons office) tomorrow night... I'm really excited and hope that it's good. I know that there are plenty of support groups out there that suck, so hopefully this one is helpful and fun. It'll just be nice to be in the company of those who "get it."

Anyways, I took some pain meds a while ago and I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to do a blog while drugged up and falling asleep- Thank God for spell check.

New addition to blog

If you look all the way down at the bottom of the page you can follow my weight loss progress. The starting weight is the day I went in for surgery.

I'm back!- copy & pasted e-mail

We just got home a little bit ago... I'm doing fine- I'm really happy to be home. So here's my update:

On Monday I was terrified. I really thought that maybe I had made the wrong decision- I was laying in my pre-op bed asking Damien what he thought- he, of course, was supportive and said that I could do this. Anyways, the next thing I know, some nurse comes in and says she's here to take "Machado's patient" (me). Ugh. So she came over and asked what surgery I was having... I told her and she smiled and told me that she had the same surgery with the same doctor 8 months ago (she looked amazing, by the way). This calmed me down so much- she reassured me that my life would return to normal sooner than I expected. I was so happy to have met her... and feel like she was sent by God to help me cope with the surgery.

I woke up from the anesthesia quite differently than ever before- I typically wake up freezing cold and jittery. Well, when I woke up I felt like I was going to throw up and I had a high fever- I was also forgetting to breath... my nurse had me covered in washcloths and kept yelling at me to breath. LOL- thankfully I listened to her. I could not wake up for the life of me and I was so nauseas- thankfully they take that seriously and gave me a high dosage of Zofran. When the Zofran didn't work they went to Reglan (or maybe it was the other way around).

I was originally told I would be sharing a room, but they were so full that night that I got one of the only private rooms on the floor. That first night I was SO dazed and I could hardly keep up a conversation with anyone- I kept falling asleep mid-sentence. I was still sick feeling so they gave me a high dosage of another type of medicine that I had never heard of- which made me more sleepy.

That first night it wasn't so much that I was in pain, more than I was just really uncomfortable- my back was sore and my abs felt like I had worked through hundreds of crunches. I could not get comfortable- but that was to be expected I guess. Originally Damien had planned on going back home that first night to be with Deacon, but because I wasn't doing great and wasn't entirely coherent, he decided to stay with me the night.

Around 9:30pm, the nurse came in and asked if I wanted to get up and walk around... well, no, I didn't want to, but I knew I had to. So I took a walk to the end of the hallway. I ended up taking another walk around 11pm before I went to sleep for the night- I felt like the more I walked the better I would feel.

You know, the 3 things I was most concerned about (other than death) prior to the surgery were the drain, the IV and the catheter. Honestly I was the MOST concerned about the IV- but honestly I didn't care about it one bit at first. The catheter was obnoxious and was super uncomfortable and I couldn't even tell I had a drain in.

As I said, the IV didn't bother me at first... until about the middle of the night that first night. It started to really hurt and bother me- and I noticed that it was extremely swollen and hard. Great. So I called in my nurse who paged the "IV team"- they didn't answer, so my nurse decided she'd try to do my IV (despite knowing that I had awful veins). Needless to say she SUCKED. She pricked me 3-4 different times in different places!!!- and still didn't get it right. Finally the IV team came in and did it right the first try.

Anyways, I woke up on Tuesday feeling great. I took a walk right away when I woke up, and then went downstairs for my big test- this test was to determine whether or not the surgery was successful (making sure I had no leaks or holes in the wrong places). I got to go drink some awful tasting fluids while they x-rayed my tummy. All in all, it wasn't bad, especially since I passed- passing meant I got to start my clear liquid diet.

When I got back from this test my nurse took out my catheter- which HURT! I was thankful to drop that because walking with a catheter in is not comfortable.

Anyways, my nurse brought me my lunch- a clear liquid diet. I was given clear instructions on how I was to eat and how much. Since my stomach is so small now it's important that I don't eat too fast- so I can avoid getting sick.

I started feeling drowsy and icky on Tuesday afternoon and started having some weird cramps... nothing major, but certainly not comfortable. I was also pretty aware that I had overdone it that day because I had felt so good at first.

All in all, Tuesday was a pretty good day. I slept well that night and woke up on Wednesday feeling crappy again. I woke up with a bad headache, was dizzy and just felt pretty miserable. I was a little shocked to feel so bad today seeing as how I felt great yesterday. My nurse thinks that because I hadn't hit my morphine button a lot lately I could be going through mini-withdraw. Great! Anyways, they weaned me off the morphine and gave me something for my headache and I slept the morning away.

Around 2:30 I got my discharge papers and the ok to go home... And here I am, at home! It was so nice to take a shower and get some fresh air (my room was SO hot and stuffy). It's also nice to not have tons of cords all around me.

Now the hard part begins- I self regulate how much I'm eating and what I'm eating. I also don't have anyone pushing me to walk around more. Damien and my mom have been really helpful, but their priority is Deacon... then me.

Deacon is doing well and did great when I was gone. He knew I was in the hospital and when I got home asked to see my boo-boo's.