Damien

I have to just say how amazingly supportive Damien has been throughout this process... seriously, I am amazed. When I began this journey I told him that I could not do it without him doing it with me. I didn't need for him to have the surgery, but I needed for him to eliminate all the bad food choices and stop eating out. Without giving it a second thought, he agreed. From day one he has been the most supportive and loving husband... there has never been a time that he's complained about eating the food I've cooked (during my liquid diet phase he ate soup with me many times for dinner) and he's always SO respectful about what he eats around me.

I could not have done this without him. Period.

And not only has he been 100% supportive, he's also getting healthier in the process... I'm very proud to say that he's already lost 16 lbs!!! Yay for him :)

Some updates

Wow, I haven't been on here in forever.

Things with me are going really well. I'm finally getting to the point where I feel normal again. The routine is setting in and I don't feel as sorry for myself so much anymore. For the first few weeks I was constantly thinking about food and how I felt so deprived. I dreaded the start of each weekend because I craved my old life... eating out as a form of entertainment.

My new life is hard at times... I have to plan every single meal. I don't eat many convenience foods because convenience foods tend to be full of carbs or sugar. I used to do pancakes or waffles in the morning on the weekends, but not anymore- now I need to give it some more thought. More thought has to go into everything I choose to eat. At first this was much harder than it is now. It's starting to become quite routine. I know what my body needs.

One thing that is still hard for me is soda... I don't miss it as much as I did a few weeks ago, but I really do miss it. I love soda- especially Coke and Dr. Pepper. I was in the grocery store today and as I was checking out I was just staring at the soda that I didn't even realize that the lady at the check stand was talking to me. Pathetic, yes. LOL.

I am constantly amazed by my life life... I feel great and I've got a ton more self confidence. I don't think I have more self-confidence because I'm thinner, but because I'm finally taking charge and getting healthy. I'm making the decision to get healthy and I'm actually doing a great job. It's such a confidence booster to do something so good for yourself.

Protein update

I honestly do have a couple protein drinks I can handle... but they get old, quick.

As I said in the post- it doesn't matter what I think of them- I have to drink them. It's not an option!

Thankfully I'm finally able to eat more solid protein during the day- which has helped a lot... less protein drinks for me :)

Something frustrating

I think one of the most frustrating things that's going on right now is how slowly the weight is coming off. I know, I know, I've lost over 30 lbs in less than 2 months- I've never been able to do that. But it's getting to the point where I'm a bit frustrated that it's not coming off a little faster right now. I'm not expecting the moon and stars... but I'm expecting some amazing results- and so far, the amazing results came in the first two weeks and that's it.

I just had these goals I wanted to hit by the 3 month mark and right now I'm pretty far away from obtaining them. I really don't want to be at the 2 month mark and have only lost 30 lbs... that mean 15 pounds a month, which honestly doesn't seem like a lot, considering what I've done to my body! I mean, seriously, do you all realize what I'm eating here? One would think the weight would literally be falling off my body.

I am really proud of myself, but I feel like I've been staring at the same weight range for weeks... So here's the deal- this week I am going to exercise 4 times this week: Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I am going to continue consuming around 100 grams of protein a day. I want to see that scale go down a lot next week and I'm determined.

Protein

I have been drinking these damned protein shakes as religiously as I can handle... and it's starting to get old. Real fast. I drink one in the morning when I first get to work, and then later in the afternoon I make another one while I'm at work... and of course as I'm making it, I get these stupid comments like, "Making margaritas?" (the drink is pink and needs to be shaken)

It's not really an option though... I really don't want my hair to fall out and I don't want to look funny and saggy once I lose all this weight.

Stupid f'ing protein.

Goals

I'm done making unobtainable goals. In fact, I am starting to cringe when I hear people say things like, "I'm going to do (insert activity here) for (insert length)"- because, in my opinion, you are just setting yourself up to fail. Because there will be times when you cannot get to that activity for that amount of time... and what happens that first, second or third time?- you get discouraged. I am done being discouraged. Being discouraged leads to failure- especially for those of us dealing with this weight loss journey. We beat ourselves up way too much for the littlest set backs. So why not stop setting these goals we might not reach, or goals we might not be able to maintain... and start making goals we CAN follow.

Instead of saying, "I will exercise 5 days a week for 60 minutes each day," say something like, "I am going to exercise more during the week," or, "I will push my exercise limits and try new things." Schedule time into your schedule to go to the gym 5 days a week... but understand that sometimes it is not possible- and be ok with that!!!

As the minister of my church talked about last week- at no other time in life do we quit something because we've had a set-back. At work, if you've had a setback or you've made a mistake, do you walk out and quit? Or do you quietly (or loudly) cuss out the computer screen and move on with your daily grind?

In my old life (pre-surgery) I used to always give up on diets when I would originally fail... one little candy bar, or snack would cause me to stop eating healthy all together? Why? Because I convinced myself that one slip up meant I had no will-power. My God, how many times did I tell myself I had no will-power? Hundreds. And of course I had no will-power- I convinced myself that I didn't have any!!! There was no reason to try again... because I already set myself up to fail.

Anyways, I say all this because I'm in the process of evaluating my goals for 2008 and have been thinking about this a lot lately. Once I get everything situated and written down I'll share my goals and hopes for this year...

I'm getting boring...

I know I don't post as much as I used to... I'm not even sure who reads this anymore anyways, so most of the time I assume I've updated everyone as to how I'm doing. But then I remember that I have a bunch of online friends and friends who I don't talk to as much that do read this, so I then I feel bad and get back on here :)

I am still struggling with the absence of carbs and sweets from my diet. It's not a big of a deal as it used to be, but I long for the day that I can eat "normal" again- but then I smack myself back into reality... this IS the new normal for me. No more meals consisting entirely of carbs, no more pints of Ben and Jerry's, no more making a cake just for the fun of it. That was the old way of life... and it was so unhealthy- and it was the exact reason why I had this surgery in the first place. Yes, I can eat some carbs and indulge every now and then if I wanted to- but I need to be so careful. I know myself... and allowing myself to eat a little pasta is like opening the flood gates- same goes with dessert type foods. One little piece of cake turns into eating half the cake in one sitting. I love cake (what fat girl doesn't love cake?).

I remember the first week after my surgery... I was so upset about not being able to eat a freaking cracker. Oh my gosh I was devastated. I'm not that bad anymore. I have had a few crackers, but because they really settle my upset stomach. But my body really has adjusted to the no carb lifestyle... the detox was rough, but worth it.

I go back to work tomorrow... I'm a bit nervous- I've really enjoyed being home for the past month. But it's time to get life back to normal... and life certainly isn't normal when I'm at home napping (even though that does sound fabulous). I know that I need to stay focussed on my goals when I'm at work and work hard at making sure I have enough healthy snacks. I've got my protein drinks packed and my lunch made. I'm set for tomorrow at least.

My weight loss stall has ended, but the scale is moving much slower than it did the first week or so! I guess that's pretty normal though ;-) Not like I should be losing 15 a week- would be nice though, LOL.

I'm off to bed... I need a good nights sleep... I haven't woken up so early and had to be functional at the same time in over a month!!! Yikes!