Proud

I am so proud of myself. I have been putting off telling one certain person about my surgery. This person has expressed her uncertainty about the surgery to me in the past- which made me really nervous to tell her that I was going to go ahead with it.

I am such a people pleaser... I have always been this way. I have been so worried about telling her because I didn't want her to think less of me. No one likes to feel judged, but I really hate the thought that someone isn't happy with a decision I've made. But I've been thinking about this a lot lately- why should I feel nervous about telling her that I'm having surgery? Shouldn't a close friend be proud of me for making this decision? Shouldn't a good friend know that I've done my research? Yes, a good friend should be supportive of decisions... however, a good friend should also feel like s/he can express concerns about these decisions. See, that's the thing, I want my friends to be able to let me know their concerns... In fact, I have a completely different friend who, from the beginning, has been 100% supportive, but has also expressed a lot of concern about the surgery. It really helps put things into perspective when someone gives an alternate opinion, and I value it. However, what I find difficult to deal with is when someone says how opposed they are of the surgery and leaves it at that- then I get nervous about telling them.

I think I'm rambling.

Anyways, I finally told my friend last night. I've been putting it off, and I finally just did it. And it went GREAT. We had a good conversation about it, and she's asked some great questions. She said she's really nervous about me doing the surgery, but knows I'm not going to do something unsafe.

Now if only I could work up the courage to tell everyone else...