Nerves are kicking in...

I still haven't really gone public with my surgery yet... I've told a few people, but certainly not everyone.  Tonight I started to wonder why I even NEED to tell anyone.  But then I think that if a friend of mine was doing this surgery and didn't tell me, I would be hurt.  I guess I'm just a little embarrassed that I need this surgery.  I try my hardest to draw attention away from the fact that I am so overweight... and by telling people I'm having gastric bypass surgery, I'm ultimately saying, "Hey, I'm SO overweight that I need surgery."  

I'm also starting to get nervous.  Food has always been such a big part of my life... it's comfort to me.  I'm not worried about something going wrong- I have complete confidence in my doctor- she's amazing.  I don't have as much confidence in myself.  I am terrified that I'm going to mess this up.  I'm terrified that I'm going to be miserable and hungry.  But I'm also terrified of NOT doing this surgery.  I'm pre-diabetic, I can't comfortably ride on an airplane (ok, I know no one is "comfortable" on an airplane, but I can't fit in a seat very well), and I get out of breath so easily when I play with Deacon.  

I'm nervous about day to day life after this surgery... Like I said, I eat for comfort, but I also eat to alleviate boredom.  Damien asked if I talked to my therapist about this... of course I haven't- because I know his answer.  I need to find a hobby- something to occupy myself... something to take the place of food.  This is all psychological... it's not just about finding a new hobby, it's about mentally being able to replace food with something else.  If this were that easy, I wouldn't be heavy right now, right?  

One month from today and I will be one day post surgery.  Wow.