I woke up in the middle of the night with the awful thought of something going wrong... and I got scared. I know my chances are slim, but what if something happens to me? It terrifies me. This whole time, Damien has been the one concerned... and I've been the one who has convinced him that I'll be fine. But I can't be sure, and that scares me.
And then I realized that this whole time this surgery hasn't seemed real to me... it hasn't hit me. I think in the back of my mind I kept saying that I could back out if I wanted to. But I'm not backing out, and I think I'm starting to realize this. I don't think I'm making sense now that I'm typing this. I still can't believe I'm doing it... and I'm not sure when it's going to be more real to me. Maybe when I wake up from surgery?