I woke up in the middle of the night with the awful thought of something going wrong... and I got scared. I know my chances are slim, but what if something happens to me? It terrifies me. This whole time, Damien has been the one concerned... and I've been the one who has convinced him that I'll be fine. But I can't be sure, and that scares me.

And then I realized that this whole time this surgery hasn't seemed real to me... it hasn't hit me. I think in the back of my mind I kept saying that I could back out if I wanted to. But I'm not backing out, and I think I'm starting to realize this. I don't think I'm making sense now that I'm typing this. I still can't believe I'm doing it... and I'm not sure when it's going to be more real to me. Maybe when I wake up from surgery?

1 comment:

Cate said...

Since we haven't been able to connect to talk, thought I would do so here. You have a reason to be scared, in fact if you weren't scared I think it would be worse. You are making a life changing decision...one that will have positives and negatives. Like we sort of discussed before, we are the kind of people who like to know all the worst case scenario stuff. If I were in your shoes I would be terrified.
This is not a decision you made lightly, I am sure. It is also a decision that effects only you and your life so I have no reason to judge.
I hope that your recovery is swift and that you are always at peace with your decision. If there is anything the Husteds can do for you guys please let me know. In the meantime try to relax as much as you can. And lets get together for something yummy before you have your surgery.