Updates... and some last minute thoughts

After my surgery tomorrow, Damien will be updating this blog, along with sending e-mails to a few people. I will get on here as soon as I can- but it probably won't happen until Tuesday sometime.

My surgery is tomorrow (wow) at approximately 10:30 am and should last about an hour or so. I have to be at the hospital by 8 am.

Please keep me in your prayers and positive thoughts. I know my blog has been somewhat negative over the past few months, but I am so excited about this journey I am about to take. My dream is to get healthy and to be able to live my life to the fullest- this surgery is a tool that will help me live that dream. Right now, all that matters is that I wake up from this surgery and take things one day at a time- at first it will probably be more like one minute at a time. I know this sounds so dramatic, but at this moment, my number one fear is not waking up from this surgery. I'll take the IV's, catheters, drains, protein shakes, gas pains, laxatives, etc... just let me wake up and see my baby and husband again.

Nothing in life is a given. Nothing. There is absolutely no guarantee that everything will be fine- so please do not tell me that "everything will be fine." I know that 99% of people will wake up and live full lives after this surgery, but I am still scared of that 1%.

The past few days have been surreal to me... and I've been reflecting on that a lot. Food has always been such a big part of my life- and starting tomorrow (really, today), food will no longer play a major role in my day to day life. Food will no longer be how I celebrate, mourn or cure boredom. Sure- I will be able to use food to do all these things someday, but not how I do now. Food to me is huge. Food is such a part of my life that I've honestly been sitting here wondering what I'm going to do with myself when I can't eat. There are so many other things to do in life other than eat... and I'm about to learn what these things are. I don't want my son to grow up thinking about food the way I do- and I hope this process starts us all off in the right direction.

This will be my last post prior to surgery... I can't wait to get back on here and update on how I'm doing. For now I'm going to go enjoy the rest of my day.


Cate said...

Good luck to you tomorrow! Please let me know what hospital you will be at (don't worry, I won't visit you :)).
I will be thinking about you all day and sending lots of positive thoughts for a speedy recovery. It is amazing to think of how different your life will be. I am proud of you for doing something positive to be a healthier you. I hope it all works out the way you want it to.

Theresa said...

I will be thinking of you a lot today during your surgery. I am praying for a successful surgery and a quick recovery for you. I will be here for you in any way you need, for support and anything else. This is a huge step for you and I am proud of you for making this life changing descion to be healthier for you and your family.. HUGS!!